Hot Buttered Rum Cake
I hope you’ll join me in the comments to share stories of when you changed your mind. As a reminder, this is a series to prompt one another to be vulnerable, be sincere, and listen — not to argue or debate. So, when have you changed your mind?
I changed my mind about abortion in a more gradual way than the other two issues I’ve posted stories about so far. There was no one moment. I’ve always felt tension between wanting to support women and wanting to eliminate the need for abortion. When I was younger, the latter always felt much more pressing to me — the fetus felt like the voiceless party, and so many were lost.
In college, I found an organization called Feminists for Life and the name alone woke me up to the idea of nuance. I was already feminist and pro-life, but I felt those two things were at odds. (For instance, my feminism led me to recognize so, so many women were not offered education, were subject to “purity culture” that pushed and pulled them in bizarre ways including not availing them to birth control, and were pressured from an early age to engage in sexual activity while being held responsible for the consequences often almost exclusively. So many women lived in poverty, were abused or raped, were manipulated. It’d be one thing in a nation where everyone had appropriate healthcare and education and birth control to discuss the availability of abortion, but in a nation where none of these things were remotely universal? Essentially, my feminism started giving me perspective.)
Feminists for Life took the approach of supporting women to eliminate the need for abortion (as opposed to just working to outlaw abortion, the needs of women be damned). They worked on things like education, making birth control widely available, making college more accessible for mothers. All very valuable things.
I still didn’t feel quite right. Part of this was just my own personal experience with misogyny and patriarchy: realizing how absolutely omnipresent external judgment was for women, how constant harassment/assault/predation was, how inappropriately motherhood is provided for in any arena of our society. People balk at making accommodations at a place of business for mothers, as though that’s not part of equal protection, balk at breastfeeding, balk at monetizing mothers’ contributions to society in any meaningful way.
Another part of my discomfort was seeing how pro-lifism was used as a political tool so shamelessly and so effectively. Some unknown representative would introduce a shocking bill — say, to ban access to late-term abortions which are used in tragic medical emergencies, or to require women to work in a nursery for a week before having an abortion (I made that one up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were a thing). It would become national news because it was absurd — that was the whole purpose — and it would inspire arguments during which tons of people would actually support the bill! It was shocking! Except it shouldn’t have been — this is the same thing Pat McCrory did with HB2 in North Carolina. It’s like a dog whistle: you rally your people by intimating in some loud way that you’re on the pro-life “side” and human beings who may be affected are unimportant collateral damage.
Once I saw how people were voting solely on this issue — and how politicians rushed to enact more and more misogynistic bans, ignoring women’s needs completely like there was no tension at all to be considered — I of course harkened back to my own first election as a voter.
I stepped back and looked at pro-life folks in general, who are typically vocally opposed to welfare, workplace adjustments for motherhood, Planned Parenthood, sex education, providing birth control, and all the things that Feminists for Life had taught me really working to minimize abortion would require.
I stepped back and looked at pro-choice folks in general, who typically valued all of these things — and generally also valued the idea of MINIMIZING ABORTIONS. Whoa. This is when I began to hold on loosely to my label. I realized how drastically I was undervaluing people with feelings and life experiences.
It seemed to me that people who were pro-choice keenly felt the actual tension between supporting women and minimizing abortions (for the sake of the fetus, for some, but also for the sake of the women who have to pay for and endure them). They wanted more and better options to reach this goal. They started from the basis, though, that in order to really be equal and safe, a woman must have full bodily autonomy as men do. Once that is established, we can talk about how to reduce unwanted pregnancies.
The latter view makes so much more sense to me now, and I refuse to be politically manipulated by a group that does things counterproductive for the goal they give lip-service to. To a goal that I believe in for women: better and freer reproductive healthcare that reduces the need for abortion. Therefore, I am now pro-choice. But in my journey, I feel like this represents moving past labels and toward what they actually signify.
What about you? Tell me about a time you changed your mind about a significant belief.
The I Changed My Mind Series:
Introduction: The I Changed My Mind Series
Story 1: How I Changed My Mind About Politics
Story 2: How I Changed My Mind About Sexuality
One year ago: Chocolate Coconut Macadamia Nut Cups (Low-Carb, Gluten-Free, Sugar-Free)
Two years ago: Hot Crab Dip in a Lemon-Garlic Baguette
Three years ago: Lemon Cream Pie Bars
Four years ago: Bailey’s Hazelnut Chocolate Tiramisu
Five years ago: Chocolate & Coconut Cream Pie Bars
Six years ago: Three Safe-to-Eat Cookie Doughs: Chocolate Chip, Sugar, and Cake Batter!
Seven years ago: Ice Cream Cupcakes
- 1/2 cup butter
- 1/2 cup water
- 1 1/8 cups cake flour
- 1 cup white sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 egg, lightly beaten
- 1/4 cup sour cream
- 1/4 teaspoon almond extract
- 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/4 cup butter
- 1/8 cup water
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1/4 cup spiced rum
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1/4 cup butter, cut into chunks
- 1/3 cup evaporated milk
- pinch of salt
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- vanilla bean ice cream (optional, for serving)
- To make the cake: Preheat the oven to 375 degrees and prepare a 10-inch oven-safe skillet sprayed with cooking spray. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, bring the butter and water to a boil. In the meantime, in a separate large bowl, whisk together the cake flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt before whisking in the egg, sour cream, almond extract, vanilla extract. Mix to combine. While mixing, slowly pour in the boiling butter and water mixture. Mix to combine completely. Your batter will be very runny. Pour the batter into the prepared baking pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 17-22 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in several places comes out with a few moist crumbs. Gently poke holes all across the top of the cake with a fork or wooden skewer.
- Make the rum glaze: While the cake cooks, combine butter, water, and sugar in a saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat and continue to boil for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and stir in spiced rum. Pour over the top of the warm cake and set aside to soak in.
- Make the icing: Bring the sugar, butter, evaporated milk, and salt to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat and simmer, whisking constantly, for 10 minutes. The frosting will bubble like caramel most of the time and you'll notice it start to pull away from the sides of the pan as it nears the 10-minute mark. Remove the icing from the heat and whisk in the vanilla extract. Pour the icing over the hot cake and spread quickly, because it begins to set immediately. Serve the cake immediately with vanilla ice cream.
Anton
March 27, 2017 at 10:35 am (8 years ago)This series is really interesting to me, as these changes of perspective are really hard to come by. I also really love that you put the emphasis on how you thought about things, your experience moving through it. Being able to acknowledge how complex we are, that our lives hold room for lots of often contradictory stuff is so important. I’ve watched the weird purity culture hit my recreational life pretty hard, and in very unpleasant ways. (If I have to have the argument again that reading and writing fiction about dark/unpleasant/violent things does not mean you support them in real life, I might scream.)
One of my biggest changes has come on a smaller stage, in how I see relationships and love. I used to believe that there was only one way to do love, that it was bound up in the stuff I saw from my parents, that the idea of loving more than one person romantically at once was impossible, that you couldn’t separate sex and love, etc, etc. But my perspective on all that has really changed as I’ve gotten older. I’m a different person with a lot more room in my head and heart for understanding. I’ve seen how there are so many ways to love, and no one right way to do it.
Julie Ruble
March 28, 2017 at 3:21 pm (8 years ago)Thanks so much for sharing this, Anton!
Liz @ I Heart Vegetables
March 27, 2017 at 3:22 pm (8 years ago)Wow that looks SO GOOD!! I’ve definitely changes my perspective on a lot of things as I’ve gotten older and understood more about the “why” behind certain problems.
Julie Ruble
March 28, 2017 at 3:21 pm (8 years ago)Thanks Liz!
Emily
March 27, 2017 at 4:20 pm (8 years ago)I feel like you and I have changed our minds on a lot of the same issues! My views on abortion changed dramatically from pro-life to pro-choice, for exactly the reasons you listed. I’m turning 31 this year, and it’s taken me this long to really start unpacking the things I was taught from a young age and deciding whether or not I actually believe in/support them. Turns out, most things I was taught, I no longer agree with. 😉
Julie Ruble
March 28, 2017 at 3:20 pm (8 years ago)I think it’s neat that we’ve changed in similar ways, Emily! Thank you for chiming in <3
Adios
March 28, 2017 at 12:02 am (8 years ago)I’ve never opened a cake recipe to read about abortion. Unsubscribing.
Julie Ruble
March 28, 2017 at 3:20 pm (8 years ago)FYI, you can do this without commenting about it 🙂
Jen
March 29, 2017 at 12:10 am (8 years ago)I’ve really loved reading this series. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your perspective. This story in particular refreshed me to the fact that we all arrive at a certain set of values or conclusions through different paths.
Many of us head into polarizing discussions with the aim to persuade the other. This reminds me if one hopes to do that, first you need to LISTEN. That may ultimately help you frame your position in terms of their values :).
On a personal note, as someone who grew up in Texas and did a fair amount of pro-choice activism there, my brain and heart have long been baffled by the common pro-life stance to remove tools that reduce abortions and indifference to supporting life once one is born. I appreciate learning about your personal evolution of thought. It gives me fresh perspective to think about!
Julie Ruble
March 29, 2017 at 1:29 am (8 years ago)Thanks so much for your supportive words, Jen! I agree with your takeaway about listening so, so heartily.
Jane S
March 29, 2017 at 12:52 am (8 years ago)Julie, I love that you take on these tough issues… It really makes me look at my own choices and feelings. I have changed my views on the death penalty. I used to fully support the death penalty as a fair punishment for the most serious crimes. But over the years, I have come to believe that this form of punishment, especially as carried out in the U.S. is not a deterrent to crime. And of course, there have even been cases where an innocent person has been wrongly put to death. I’m not sure what the answer is, I sympathize with the families of crime victims…
Julie Ruble
March 29, 2017 at 1:21 am (8 years ago)Thank you, Jane! I have changed my mind on that topic in a very similar way — and I love that you are able to end your comment on, “I’m not sure what the answer is,” which I feel is a super honest and vulnerable place that leads to productive dialogue on the topic. I’m not sure, either.
Sara
May 2, 2017 at 12:24 pm (8 years ago)I’m saddened to read that you are now Pro-choice. I was once pro-choice and am now pro-life. It’s interesting how as we grow, we change and see things so differently. But that is what makes this country so great, we are all allowed our own beliefs and opinions. Thanks for sharing your views.
Julie Ruble
May 2, 2017 at 5:11 pm (8 years ago)I’d love to hear what changed your mind, Sara! Feel free to share your story here!
Sara
May 7, 2017 at 8:26 pm (8 years ago)I would love to tell why I changed my mind. Thank you for asking Julie.
When I was in my early twenties and newly married, I so wanted to start a family. We loved children and wanted to get started right away. It turned out not to be that easy. We tried everything for about eight years. It was a difficult, frustrating, heart-breaking time. Then we turned to adoption. Prayers were answered and we got a precious little baby boy on Mother’s Day, believe it or not. It was a miracle and this little boy became my heart and he is grown now and still the sun and joy and love of my life! As I was raising this little miracle, it dawned on me….what if his birth Mother had aborted him? In that instant, everything changed. I knew God had given me this sweet little boy to open my eyes and my heart to what is right. I regret ever being pro-choice, because now I know that every little being deserves a family to love them. Every baby is precious to God. <3
Thanks for allowing me to tell my story.
Take care and I so enjoy your blog!
Julie Ruble
May 7, 2017 at 8:47 pm (8 years ago)Thanks so much for sharing your story, Sara! I’m so glad you and your son were brought together. I hope we can all work together to reduce abortions without feeling like we’re on separate teams.
Jackie
July 20, 2021 at 10:17 am (3 years ago)Can I make this cake the day before I serve it?
Julie Ruble
July 20, 2021 at 12:47 pm (3 years ago)Yes! I’d make the cake, let it cool, and leave it covered on the counter. On the day of serving, I’d make the rum sauce to pour over it and then the frosting (both are super quick). Enjoy!
Jackie
July 24, 2021 at 10:12 pm (3 years ago)I entered this cake into a rum cake contest. This was my first time making a rum cake. There were 5 other rum cakes. I won 2nd place! Yay! The judges said I should add double the rum next time.