Spiked Coffee Cake with Bailey’s Irish Cream

OKAY I HAVE A THEORY. We’ve been speaking to one another face to face for years. Long enough for social evolution to teach us to wait a hot minute before opening our mouths. We teach this to our children as they develop self-control: you probably shouldn’t say everything you think.

Sometimes we think things that aren’t true — or that we aren’t sure are true. Sometimes we think things that are true, but aren’t helpful or necessary (“I told you so,” anyone?). Sometimes we think things that aren’t kind. When we’re little, we might blurt all of these things out. But as we grow, we learn to be better at communicating effectively.

KIND OF.   

But my theory is that the internet is such a different medium that we have to relearn how to communicate effectively with it — and we’re making a mess of it right now.

If you jump into a face-to-face conversation to reflexively correct someone (“WELL ACTUALLY…”), you’ll experience consequences in your relationship with that person. They might bring it to your attention, hang out with you less, talk badly about you to others. If you do this online, you might experience fallout, but with strangers you can paint as an enemy force instead of individual people.

If you respond to a friend during a conversation by mocking their ideas, calling them a name, or snarking at them, you’ll experience consequences in your relationship with that person. They might not be a friend anymore. You might have a fight and then have to navigate difficult waters to repair. If you do this online, you might “unfriend” with the click of a button, sure, but the in-person work can be skipped altogether.

If you walk into a Starbucks in person and shout some nonsense to everyone there about how many grams of sugar they’re consuming, you might be ignored or asked to leave. It’d be a pretty embarrassing incident. Your family would insist you stay home on their next coffee date. If you post a random sanctimonious comment on Starbucks’ Facebook page, some strangers might argue with you, but you get to go about your day without much interruption.

It’s easier to be reflexive here online. To indulge in all of the primal urges we’ve been managing since childhood. To share our KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM AND OPINIONS AND HUMOR AND SNARK with the world, kindness be damned.

In case you’re wondering how bad it’s gotten, a grown woman literally name-called a toddler yesterday on Willow Bird Baking’s Facebook page (I deleted her comment). Y’all. A GROWN WOMAN decided it was okay to be unkind to a TODDLER online.

If my theory’s correct, let’s start with ourselves. Let’s THINK before we speak, asking ourselves, “Is this true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it helpful? Is it kind?” Let’s start from the assumption that we don’t know all the details and cannot judge others. Let’s start disagreements with openness to partnering to find the truth: “That’s not what I thought. Why do you think so?” Let’s prioritize relationships, and where we don’t have relationships, let’s either stop talking OR start forming them.

Because relationships — real friendships formed on a basis of love and respect — are what is going to save us.

One year ago: Easy Raspberry Cheesecake Double-Date Parfaits
Two years ago: Salmon Tacos with Cilantro-Lime Slaw
Three years ago: Strawberry Coconut Cream Pie Bars
Four years ago: The Ultimate Moist, Fluffy, Ridiculous Coconut Cake
Five years ago: Tres Leches Coconut Cake Trifle
Six years ago: Deep Fried Cake Batter Cookie Dough
Seven years ago: Oatmeal Cake with Broiled Icing