Quick and Easy Iced Lemon Cake
We’re gonna talk about a hard topic and so I made you an easy cake. You have that waiting for you at the end of this post. But in the meantime, buckle up. And a forewarning: don’t leave me a comment saying you don’t want to read about this. I don’t want to live this. I wish I could turn it off or scroll past it. But I can’t. No woman can.
That being said, content warning for a discussion of sexual harassment and abuse below the cut.
I just learned that one of my former colleagues has been charged with sex offenses involving 14-year-old students. These girls have probably spent years sorting out their confusion and pain, wondering if it was partially their fault (it wasn’t).
At the same time, I’m watching scores of people online excusing politician Roy Moore for grooming a 14-year-old, sharing why they will still vote for him. This is not to mention the host of other sexual harassers and abusers being defended on all corners of the internet. Women everywhere are being reminded of so many terrible experiences. In just my own tiny circle, there are so many to recall —
Remember the time you found a fellow teacher (at a former school) blithely discussing rape while traveling in another country on his blog? And how the he was “talked to” about making his blog private but not fired? He still teaches. His most recent post includes him fantasizing about murdering a girl he met on Tinder who turned out to be fat, but whom he was still nice enough to go on a date with. You know this because you re-read his blog every now and then to remind yourself that you are not crazy, that it really is as bad as you thought it was.
Remember that one time two men made a middle-of-the-street U-turn to stop in front of where you were walking, and one got out of the passenger seat to head you off while the other stayed in the driver seat with the car on? Remember trying to decide exactly the right measure of non-interest (so as not to encourage more conversation) and kindness (please don’t get mad and hurt me, please don’t get mad and hurt me) with which to respond to his greeting?
Remember when your boyfriend posted online that he didn’t know anyone who had experienced street harassment or sexual harassment and didn’t feel like it actually occurred as regularly as people let on — right after the above incident occurred?
Remember how your friend didn’t realize she had been raped until you heard her story and told her?
Remember that time in second grade where the boy who wouldn’t stop touching you told you in the gym storage room that he was going to rape you?
Remember when your friend was almost strangled to death by her husband and the Army just deployed him instead of doing anything to protect her? He comes back soon and she expects that he will murder her, perhaps their children, perhaps others. Remember reading how strongly strangulation in domestic abuse correlates to homicide?
Remember your other friend who was sexually abused throughout her whole childhood until she could finally leave home?
Remember how every boyfriend pushed you past where you were comfortable and you didn’t think much of it because of course that’s just how relationships are? Remember how you became just a shell of yourself, not sure what “self” was anymore, since what you wanted it to be got taken away? Remember the times it was clear you weren’t happy, weren’t okay, but there was enough plausible deniability, so?
Remember the tidal wave of “detectives” that flood the internet each time a woman makes an allegation to decide if she’s telling the truth about being raped or assaulted? Sometimes they decide she only wants money. Other times it’s the fame. Both are apparently worth drowning in other people’s gaslighting and abuse.
Remember being told “boys only want one thing”?
Remember the man at the pool who wouldn’t stop talking to you about your appearance even after you thanked him and tried to stare intently at your book?
Remember when that kid blackmailed you to date him in 7th grade? He reminded you continually of the embarrassing story he could tell about you, just in case. Remember your “friend” who thought it was so funny when he made you hold his hand?
Remember when a man more than three times your age kept getting closer and closer to you at your summer internship in high school? You were terrified he would follow you to your remote parking lot one day. Finally he reached out and caressed your face and you found the nerve to tell your coworker, who handled it. Later that same coworker, whom you trusted like a father figure, would start smiling knowingly at you and adjusting his semi-erection as though you couldn’t see. Remember the confusion your simultaneous love and discomfort caused you? How you spent years wondering if you were to blame?
Remember how fast it went from 0 to fucking bitch, stupid bitch?
Remember that time a boy reached out, grinning, and touched your breast in middle school and you didn’t say a word about it to anyone because you were so shocked and confused about it happening that you weren’t sure if it was wrong or not? Whether you were making a big deal out of nothing?
Remember how even though it’s okay for boys to have trouble resisting touching breasts, and even though men enjoyed your sister’s breasts when she danced as an NFL cheerleader, and even though breastfeeding is protected by law, your sister was aggressively excoriated by multiple police officers for breastfeeding in a Mecklenburg County courtroom because she was “exposing herself”? Remember how the online commenters said, “If a woman is going to whip them out, I’m gonna look,” as a way to explain why breastfeeding should not be allowed in public? Remember how the sheriff explained that the deputies were “trying to protect her” by threatening her and ordering her to leave? Remember the women who commented that they prefer other women use a cover? The bizarre push-pull never ends.
Remember when Mr. Shelton threatened you in 8th grade until you let him read the poem you’d written? You both knew you would never do anything wrong; his escalating aggression was confusing. You both knew it was just something private and embarrassing: you were in tears and red-faced. But he also knew he could make you do what he wanted, and he wanted to violate your privacy.
Remember being told purity was godly by people in charge? Remember how you formed this idea of self and morality in the first place? The idea that it’s then really sexy to forcibly shatter?
Remember the guy who, after being told that you would not date him but that you could be friends, began to get clingy, to beg, until you started panicking, imagining you could smell his cologne outside of your apartment complex at night?
Remember when Mr. Linton, your 7th grade history teacher, turned out to be a pedophile and went to prison? His victim (the one we know about) was 7.
Remember walking with your group of 14-year-old students downtown and being catcalled, not knowing if the call was for you or for them, since really it could be either?
Remember how one of your family members was raped and her guilt — over being raped — tore your family to shreds?
Remember feeling like your apartment complex became unsafe because as you were walking to the parking lot, sloppy and angry, a man volunteered, “You’re very pretty” even though he didn’t know so much as your name? Remember how this same guy later reiterated this “compliment,” and stood aside to let you walk upstairs in front of him?
Remember the other stranger in your apartment complex who told you to smile? The other stranger in your apartment complex who pulled up next to you in the dark with the trunk open and asked your name?
Remember how when people disagreed with you online, you became a whore, slut, twat, twit, cunt, bitch? They will rape you, find where you live, murder you. Remember trying to decide which threats might be credible?
Remember when you wrote a poem about all of this and your 8th grade English teacher told you it was inappropriate? Your poem, that is. Your poem was inappropriate.
Sorry if you feel like my post is inappropriate. As promised, I have this cake for you and it really is comforting and simple. I hope you can also work up your nerve to believe and defend women. Take a moment to do it publicly today. There’s a little girl out there who needs to see it.
One year ago: Pumpkin Bread Stuffed with Chai Cheesecake
Two years ago: 3-Ingredient Slow-Cooker Pumpkin Cake
Three years ago: Pumpkin Cheesecake Cinnamon Rolls
Four years ago: Pumpkin Tres Leches Cake
Five years ago: Rosemary Thumbprints with Clementine Curd and The Day I Went to Ina Garten’s Cookie Swap (What?!)
Six years ago: One-Skillet Gooey Pumpkin Cookie Cake
Seven years ago: Barefoot Contessa’s Carrot Pineapple Cake
- 1/2 cup butter
- 1/2 cup water
- 1 1/8 cups cake flour
- 1 cup white sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 egg, lightly beaten
- 1/4 cup sour cream
- 3/4 teaspoon lemon extract
- 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/4 teaspoon almond extract
- 1/2 cup powdered sugar
- 2 teaspoons lemon juice
- 1/2 tablespoon butter, melted
- 1/4 teaspoon lemon extract
- lemon zest for topping
- To make the cake: Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Place a square of parchment paper in the bottom of an 8-inch square baking pan. Butter and then dust the pan with powdered sugar, discarding the excess.
- In a medium saucepan over medium heat, bring the butter and water to a boil. In the meantime, in a separate large bowl, whisk together the cake flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt before whisking in the egg, sour cream, almond extract, vanilla extract. Mix to combine. While mixing, slowly pour in the boiling butter and water mixture. Mix to combine completely. Your batter will be very runny. Pour the batter into the prepared baking pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 17-22 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in several places comes out with a few moist crumbs.
- To make the icing, whisk together powdered sugar, lemon juice, melted butter, and lemon extract until smooth. Pour most of this mixture over the top of the cake, spreading it evenly over the entire surface. Top with lemon zest. Serve while warm.
Natalie
November 29, 2017 at 12:21 am (7 years ago)YUM! This lemon cake looks so fluffy, beautiful and delicious! I can’t wait to try it already ♥
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 12:40 am (7 years ago)Thanks, Natalie!
Jaq
November 29, 2017 at 12:36 am (7 years ago)Thank you so much for this. I’ve survived numerous sexual and emotional abuse situations, and I just want to express love and empathy for your bravery in sharing these things. I read so many food blogs, but yours is the only one that makes me feel affirmed as a member of the LGBT community, and I’m really grateful for that. I’m so glad you put yourself out there in every post, and think you’ve probably helped many people with your writing. Thank you so much for all your kind words and delicious recipes. I hope you, me, and all survivors in general can find some peace throughout all the recent chaos. <3
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 12:40 am (7 years ago)Thank you, Jaq — I’m so thankful that you feel this way, and this comment really filled my bucket <3 I appreciate it especially since I can get so much flak for not "sticking to baking." An affirmation like this means so much.
Deb Wright
November 29, 2017 at 7:54 am (7 years ago)Good blog, I hope many will read it.
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 10:54 am (7 years ago)Thanks Deb!
Katie
November 29, 2017 at 8:23 am (7 years ago)Julie, as always, you give voice to a lot of my feelings. All the accusations lately make me feel like I want to share everything that’s ever happened to me, because otherwise you almost don’t know if it was real or not. But everything is so relatively small, and sharing sure can make other people uncomfortable. It’s cathartic to read this.
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 10:54 am (7 years ago)Katie,
Thank you for your comment — this is how I felt too. I kept thinking my experiences were all so small, right? Just the things that happen as you go through the world. But then I realized how sad it is that each one of us has this tapestry of sexual harassment that we never speak of because it doesn’t reach some threshold — and even that people like my friend don’t know if their rape reaches a threshold — and THAT made me realize how the messaging that some of this is minor and that we shouldn’t make a big deal out of it is PART OF THE SYSTEMIC PROBLEM. We’re being told our experiences are normal or not a big deal every day. I’m so glad people are speaking out now, and I’m so so glad (and sad, for obvious reasons) that this resonated with you <3
Julie
Vivian Ruble (AKA Mom)
November 29, 2017 at 11:25 am (7 years ago)The very sad thing is each one of us (women and probably a lot of men) could write a list JUST LIKE THIS. It is terrifying that the world has waited THIS long to attempt changes. Women need to keep speaking up and never backing down on ANY abuse and men need to take a LONG look at their behavior and how it affects women.
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:12 pm (7 years ago)I agree — we all have these stories! I’m glad so many are speaking up.
Heather @ Sugar Dish Me
November 29, 2017 at 11:29 am (7 years ago)Julieeeeee! I love you, I love your words – even though I definitely cried reading this. Thank you for writing it all down.
Now I’m gonna go make and eat this whole cake.
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:11 pm (7 years ago)Love you, too, Heather! Thank you!
Anton
November 29, 2017 at 11:31 am (7 years ago)Following the news has been extra traumatic in the past couple months, as this tidal wave breaks. It’s brought up so many ugly, horrible memories. (My abusive, terrifying high school teacher, for one) It’s so strange and terrible to think about how every aspect of our lives has been shaped by a culture that allows this abuse to continue.
If I hadn’t spent all yesterday baking cookies, I’d be on this cake right away. Saving it for later! Winter citrus is my favorite so I might mix some lemon and grapefruit together.
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:11 pm (7 years ago)I’m so sorry you had that experience, Anton. Thank you for your support and kind words!
Sara
November 29, 2017 at 3:54 pm (7 years ago)Thanks for sharing and braving the online assholery– we need your words. We also need your cake! I made your drenched lemon cake for my mother-in-law’s birthday, and she *loved* it. I will be trying this one out for the holidays.
with love,
Sara
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:11 pm (7 years ago)Thank you, Sara! I hope she loves this one, too!
Emily R
November 29, 2017 at 4:07 pm (7 years ago)Thank you for being brave and sharing your experiences. Thank you. <3
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:10 pm (7 years ago)Thank you, Emily!
Sally Booth
November 29, 2017 at 4:51 pm (7 years ago)Yes! Yes! Yes! I remember all of those same things that you do! I live in the same city as Roy Moore, will not be voting for him! Hugs to you for this. Thank you!
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:10 pm (7 years ago)Thank you, Sally!
Melinda
November 29, 2017 at 5:20 pm (7 years ago)Bravo. Thank you so much for taking the time to post this well thought out statement. If more people were brave enough to do so maybe things would change. Again, many thanks. Cake looks great too!
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:10 pm (7 years ago)Thank you, Melinda!
Jan Curry
November 29, 2017 at 6:29 pm (7 years ago)Maybe now is the time we can now say, not “me too” , but NO MORE!!!
Thank you
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 8:10 pm (7 years ago)I hope so, Jan!
Sherri
November 29, 2017 at 9:37 pm (7 years ago)Julie, thank you for your brave words! It is past time for it to stop!
The lemon cake sound and looks heavenly!
Thank you????
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 10:21 pm (7 years ago)Thank you, Sherri!
Christine Mele
November 29, 2017 at 11:24 pm (7 years ago)Thank you so very much Julie, for telling parts of my story also. My experiences caused me to feel guilty, dirty. I pray that this bravery continues, will never die-down. We must teach our daughters, and, sons, that people are to be respected, valued, not used for ” entertainment ” purposes. God Bless you. Now, onto the cake!
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 11:42 pm (7 years ago)Thank YOU, Christine. I share your prayers. You are a valuable person worthy of love and respect, and I’m so sorry anyone ever made you feel differently.
Jane S
November 29, 2017 at 11:35 pm (7 years ago)Wow, Julie, such a powerful, brave post. These past few months have been heartbreaking, but so necessary. I don’t know if you follow @jenhatmaker on Instagram. but she had a powerful post on this subject, as well…
I always appreciate your ability to speak on these difficult issues with such grace. Thank you for having the courage to share your truth.
Julie Ruble
November 29, 2017 at 11:41 pm (7 years ago)Thank you for the kind words, Jane! I do follow Jen Hatmaker and I loved her post, too! I’m so thankful so many people are speaking out.
Valerie
November 30, 2017 at 12:12 am (7 years ago)Oh Julie, I cried as I read this to my husband because you put into words so well what I could never have expressed so eloquently. Unfortunately I can relate to much of your post. My heart hurts for every person that experiences even the “smallest” of offenses. We should be teaching these things to our children, that none of this is ok. Thank you for letting us share this with loved ones so they know why we are non-confrontational and afraid of authority figures. Thank you for your honesty and bravery!!
And keep up the baking, I love your recipes. Mmmm!
Julie Ruble
November 30, 2017 at 12:22 am (7 years ago)Sending you love, Valerie. I’m so thankful to hear that this post was helpful to you but so sorry that you can relate to it, as so many women can. I hope this is a turning point for us. Thank you for your kind words!
Barbara
November 30, 2017 at 5:26 am (7 years ago)This was perhaps the most powerful post I’ve read on this subject. Thank you for sharing!
i began making a similar list some time ago, but couldn’t bring myself to finish it. The thought that so many women have endured these experiences overwhelms my heart with sadness and a sense of outrage.
I just pray that we will all find the strength to stand up and say NO MORE…that our children (and, in my case, grandchildren) will be taught that this is not okay and everyone should be treated with dignity and respect.
Sending much love your way,
B
P.S. Thank you for cake! I think we all need cake right now. 🙂
Julie Ruble
November 30, 2017 at 8:48 am (7 years ago)Thanks so much, Barbara. I’m sorry but not surprised that you have had similar experiences. I share your hope that we can change things for the better ❤️
Vickie H.
November 30, 2017 at 9:21 am (7 years ago)Once again, you blow me away with your bravery and candor. With tears rolling down my face, I thank you. I cannot find words to say more except I wish the world could read this post.
Julie Ruble
November 30, 2017 at 11:17 am (7 years ago)Thank you, Vickie <3 I'm thankful for your kind words this morning!
Dorothy @ Crazy for Crust
November 30, 2017 at 1:44 pm (7 years ago)You are an amazing writer Julie, thank you for this!
Susan
November 30, 2017 at 2:44 pm (7 years ago)Well done, Julie. I grew up in another time, another place and in a small safe town. I was a voracious reader and that’s where I learned of these things. I was lucky, but so many were not. I believe the women! Woman are no longer chattel and it’s time for men (and women) to be educated accordingly. Only then will it stop.
DessertForTwo
November 30, 2017 at 11:12 pm (7 years ago)Love you, girl. Thanks for sharing. <3
Rachel
December 1, 2017 at 8:31 am (7 years ago)Thank you for sharing this. I have so many thoughts that I’m not sure how to express so instead, I will just let you know that I really appreciate that you wrote this. I love your corner of the internet for both its thoughtful approach to difficult topics and the understanding that sometimes tough conversations need cake.
Crystal Moran
December 12, 2017 at 4:27 pm (7 years ago)The little things that add up to be such big things. The little things that most, if not all women have to decide on a regular basis are “all right” and continue on with our lives or else go crazy with anger and sadness. The little things that I want to show my 9 year old daughter that she doesn’t have to put up with, but that given some dangerous situations she will have to and then go about her daily life as usual. This is so saddenning and heartbreaking and angering all at the same time. Why is this OK? Why have we not rebelled before this? Why, why, why?
Laurie L
December 28, 2017 at 8:41 am (7 years ago)Thank you for your painful, poignant yet beautiful piece of writing. I wish you, and all of us, had never had to suffer this. I’m now 71. I was never spoken to about this by my mother or grandmother yet I know that they “suffered” these things. (For both, the solution was to “try not to get caught in those situations”. Neither blamed the men but blamed themselves. ). I wish they were both still around to see a slight changing of the tide. I’m hoping this will lead to permanent change but have my cynical doubts. The women who seem listened to are the ones who loudly decry the stories and accusations of other women. Believe it or not, I still haven’t quite reached the age of invisibility. For the first time, while writing this, I understand how being old enough to have that invisibility must have been a relief, a perk of getting old, to s o many women. I take no prisoners now, though, especially when told I should be grateful for the attention at my age….
now, on to your lovely cake. It will always be a special cake with memories of your writing. Thank you.
Trina H.
June 24, 2018 at 3:40 pm (6 years ago)Hi Julie; THANK YOU for your share & recipe. Both are appreciated!! I myself am an overcomer or rape, catcalls, and harassment. I am also a woman who knows of others who’ve been assulted & told them it’s not ok what happened; as well as its NOT YOUR FAULT! An incident like this just happened at one of my boy’s school; while classes were going on, with an 8th grade teacher & a student. I FELT SO AFRAID FOR ALL THE KIDS, not just MY SON. And I made my VOICE KNOWN TO THE PRINCIPAL!! An like most cases, we’ve not heard anything else about the incident since. I’m a mom, who teaches, NO MEANS NO! Respect others as well as yourselves. And that it doesn’t just happen to girls, but boys as well; SO PROTECT YOURSELVES; BE AWARE!!! I love your share because All of it gets ignored too often, dismissed too easy, and hushed/thrown away too quickly. It ALL HAS TO STOP! So again thank you for doing your part by speaking for those who feel silence is their only option. #urnotalone