I’ve shared a lot here, but not quite everything. I’ve hinted at some darker times a few years ago, but that story has to unfold in a more complete way than it can here — when the time is right. The short version is that I was on a tightrope over a bottomless pit for months at a time; God led me, walking backwards with His hands on either side of my face, saying, “Just keep your eyes on me. Don’t look down. Don’t stop walking. Just keep your eyes on me.” I’ve never felt closer to Him or further from everyone else.

Some people think of the struggle with suicidal thoughts as weakness or immaturity instead of a legitimate impasse where your pain has exceeded your coping resources. In a moment of crisis, you need one thing: a resource (someone you can call, something you can read/watch, something you can do) that will distract you and comfort you for just long enough to deescalate, to get to a point where you are able to put one foot in front of the other on your tightrope again. The resource doesn’t have to solve any problems. It just has to carry you to the point where you are able to wait for time to change your circumstances, like it always, always does.

So right now, I want to provide a list of things that make me feel like living. I’m not a medical professional and I can’t know what’s best for you, but I hope it will help you pass those crucial moments to read through this list. If one doesn’t apply to you, don’t let it take you down a sad road — just move on to the next one. And please add to the list in the comments below. What are things you wouldn’t want to miss out on? Things that sustain you in the darkest times? Every one of these things should be hopeful, positive, and affirming. Let’s get started!

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