Despite the fact that I've been inexplicably bought and paid for by the Son of God Himself, I feel guilty all the time. Call it a complex.
adorable napkins courtesy of sweet Erin
Sometimes it's Byrd's fault. She does this thing when I'm leaving for work every morning -- do your dogs do this? -- where she ramps up her cute factor by 200%. Suddenly she seems fluffier and snugglier. She'll kiss my ankles and roll over for belly rubs. She'll look up at me with eyes that I could swear weren't that adorable yesterday.
It's as if she's saying, "You're not gonna LEAVE me, are you mom? You couldn't possibly leave your innocent wittle baby puppy, could you?"
But every morning, I break her heart by telling her goodbye and shutting her up in my bedroom. Then I walk out to my car feeling like a heel.
Other times it's my own fault that I feel guilty. I'll have a mile-long list of things I need to accomplish, but I'll allow myself 5 or 10 minutes to check Facebook. And, you know, I have to check Pinterest. And what if something important happened in the world? I'll read CNN online for just a minute or two. And what if something important happened to Reese Witherspoon? I'll hop over to People.com for a bit. Of course I need to check my site traffic. And gosh, it's been forever since I've checked Facebook . . .
Suddenly it's 1 o'clock in the morning and my to-do list suddenly looks a lot like an accusation staring up at me from my notepad.
Last night my guilt was even more justified. I always feed my turtle, Squirt, in a plastic storage container on the kitchen counter. I usually keep an eye on him so he doesn't climb out and get hurt, but yesterday I was just so preoccupied. I had piles of 7th grade essays, 6th grade quizzes, and 6th grade projects to grade. Modern Family was playing in the background. Byrd was playing in the floor. My head was lost in a cloud of thesis statements and Gloria's Colombian accent.
Suddenly, I heard a thump. I walked into the kitchen and found Squirt not in his feeding tank on the counter where I left him, but standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, looking around thoughtfully.
He had fallen off the counter.
quick, think of something happy. like pumpkin truffles.
MY BABY FELL OFF THE COUNTER BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY TO WATCH HIM CLOSELY. After bursting into tears, repeatedly checking all of his little turtle limbs for injuries, hugging him (much to his dismay), and investigating the scene of the accident, I sat in floor, awash in a sea of guilt. I promised myself I'd be a better mother. I thanked God profusely that he'd fallen on the carpet and not the linoleum. I called Mike and confessed my negligence.
Meanwhile, Squirt swam around in his tank and chomped at carrots, pleased as a plum to be back in the water and apparently none the worse for the wear.
The truth is, guilt is useful insofar as it leads us to make a change. The discomfort I felt after Squirt's fall has convicted me to never leave him unsupervised again. For some people, discomfort about the way they're living is what leads them to submit to Christ and be changed. It's a good thing.
But beyond that, guilt is a disease. Once you've made a change, lingering guilt serves no purpose but to cripple you. It's a lying voice telling you that you're unworthy, incapable. Don't believe it.
Today as Squirt basks under his sun lamp, I'm going to ignore the deceitful voice of guilt. I'm going to believe that I'm the best mommy for that reptile. I'm going to give myself a blank slate. And I might even try to cut down on the Facebook...
...after I post another status update about pumpkin truffles.
Since we're on the topic of guilt, here are some truffles for you to eat way too many of -- and to forgive yourself for later!
They're worth it. In this super simple recipe, rich pumpkin cheesecake middles are coated in indulgent dark chocolate. The resulting truffles are adorable and totally poppable. Give yourself a break and make some dessert.
What kinds of things do you feel guilty about sometimes?
Chocolate Pumpkin Truffles
Recipe by: Adapted from Whole Foods
Yields: About 30 truffles
A creamy pumpkin mixture spiced up with gingersnap and graham cracker crumbs is rolled into a ball and coated with rich dark chocolate. These delectable truffles would make a lovely autumn gift since they're so cute and poppable, but don't feel guilty saving them all for yourself!
2 cups dark chocolate chips (see note below recipe)
1/2 cup white chocolate chips
1/4 cup pumpkin puree
3/8 cups finely ground gingersnaps
3/8 cup graham cracker crumbs
1 tablespoon powdered sugar
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Pinch of orange zest (I used a dash of orange extract)
2 ounces cream cheese, softened
pretzel sticks (optional, for pops)
sprinkles or extra cookie crumbs (optional, for decoration)
Make the pumpkin middles: In a large bowl, melt the 1/2 cup of white chocolate chips according to instructions on package (usually in the microwave on half power in about 30 second intervals, stirring between each). When the white chocolate is melted, let it cool down for a bit before adding the gingersnap crumbs, pumpkin, graham cracker crumbs, sugar, extract or zest, cinnamon, salt and cream cheese. Beat this mixture until it's completely smooth. Cover it and refrigerate it for about 2 hours until it's firm enough to roll into balls.
Roll 'em: Roll the pumpkin mixture into balls and place them on a wax-paper lined baking sheet. Refrigerate them for another hour to let them firm up. When you're ready to make your truffles, melt your dark chocolate according to the instructions on package (usually in the microwave on half power in about 30 second intervals, stirring between each).
Insert the pretzel sticks: (Obviously skip this step if you're making truffles and not pops!) Take a few pumpkin balls out of the fridge at a time. Poke the end of pretzel sticks into the melted chocolate and stick one in the center of each pumpkin ball, placing them back in the fridge to set. Repeat with all of the pumpkin balls.
Dip 'em: Take out a few pumpkin pops at at time (if you just inserted pretzel sticks, use the ones that have been chilling the longest) and carefully dip the balls into the melted chocolate while holding the pretzel, using a spoon to help you coat them. Gently bounce and turn the pop (while supporting the whole pretzel stick) to let the excess drain off. Sprinkle on some sprinkles, graham cracker crumbs, or gingersnap crumbs if desired, and then stick the pop into a foam block in the fridge to dry. Alternatively, if you're making truffles instead of pops, use two forks to dip the pumpkin ball into the chocolate and pass it between the forks to drain the excess. Roll it carefully onto a sheet of wax paper in the fridge to dry. Chill the pops about an hour, until they're completely dry and set.
NOTE ON COATING CAKE POPS OR TRUFFLES: When it comes to coating cake pops or truffles, there are several options. My favorite coating is usually Candiquik or candy melts, because they have a lovely texture when melted, dry quickly, and don't melt if they sit out of the fridge. In this recipe, though, I chose to use plain dark chocolate to coat my truffles. Though it takes longer to dry and can get melty in your hands even once it's set, I wanted the taste of rich dark chocolate to contrast with the pumpkin. My chocolate of choice is always Ghirardelli 60% cacao chips -- they are seriously delectable.
- If you need to thin your chocolate or candy melts, stir in a scant spoonful of shortening until it's melted. Add more as needed until desired consistency is reached.
- Don't ever put water or water-based substances in chocolate or candy melts, or they'll seize and become unusable.
- Keep your bowl of melted chocolate or candy melts inside of a larger bowl filled halfway with hot water. The heat from the water will keep your chocolate liquid while you're dipping all of your truffles, so that you won't have to keep reheating.
- See this video for a visual of how to dip cake pops and truffles.